I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
