i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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