Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
