Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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