You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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