Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
