Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
