so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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