we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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