so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
