This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
