he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
