If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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