Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
