I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just google imaged poop.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
