I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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