I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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