i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
