Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
