Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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