just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
