This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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