ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
