I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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