see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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