I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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