We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
