I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
