How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
