I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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