just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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