He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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