i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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