When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
