His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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