Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
