I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
