Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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