The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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