Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
