I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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