bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
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Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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