She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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