I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
