I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
