my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
