Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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