I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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