I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize