dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
