i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
