I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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