Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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