Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my shit smells like andre
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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