No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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