Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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